Tomorrow I wake up at 6:30 to go to school in Fullerton and then drive to work in Irvine. The amount of driving I have to do is really annoying and I never look forward to it. Also I do not like getting more work hours despite that being a good thing. But I want to start being TRULY (and not just trying or pretending) grateful that I’m in college and have the job of my dreams. If we all find things to be grateful for life would easier and everyday even Mondays would be beautiful. I’m working on this..
Sometimes I use the excuse of just ‘being myself’ to get away with behaving irrationally and possibly hurting people around me. But being myself right now means to continuously let the ones I love down and drift away from people who care about me. I’m in control of who I want to be yet it’s so damn hard to live in the present and act as if I can never take those actions back. Where in school do they us how to deal with being 18 and in distress? I think I’m happy but in reality I’m pushing aside all the things I put no effort into changing, but needs change.
Often times I blame the events that I have no control over to who I’ve become. Whether it’s good or bad. But since I’ve become so bitter in some aspects of my life I blame all the negative events.
I almost think I’m being ungrateful because I’m given such a beautiful life with amazing people and I’ve let the negativity distract me from so much of that.
R.I.P. The 2976 American people that lost their lives on 9/11 and R.I.P. the 48,644 Afghan and 1,690,903 Iraqi and 35000 Pakistani people that paid the ultimate price for a crime they did not commit